I think I was in the second grade and the year was 1988. We had all created our Valentine's boxes and were going around the room handing out our "heartfelt" envelopes. What does this really teach a child? You had a list with every kid's name on it and you filled out a card for each person, whether or not you liked them. Trust me there were many people I didn't want to be my valentine and I am sure that the feeling was mutual. A boy in my class came up to my box and tried to shove a giant envelope in my tiny slot (holy crap that sounds dirty). He was like, "Uh this won't fit" and I was like "my slot is regulation size for a standard valentine envelope." It's memories like this that make me realize why I didn't date much. I didn't care that his love package didn't fit, I didn't need him to validate me. About a month went by and I was going through my over sized Esprit bag, which like my purse today, was a dark abyss of shiz. I found a large envelope and inside of it were three beaded necklaces and an anonymous valentine. I had forgotten all about young Mr. X trying to give me his gift, so I walked back in to class and shouted, "I think someone tired to leave these plastic necklaces in my bag. Who did this?" No one answered, but one blond boy looked very uncomfortable. Now twenty years later Facebook keeps suggesting I be his friend, I don't think I will as I never did thank him for the necklaces. I did however rock the red beaded necklace in my third grade photo. Visual picture: short chin length red permed hair, one side clipped up with a huge black banana clip, white button down shirt with the collar pressed straight up and flicked out (think Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink) and a red beaded necklace.
My second memorable Valentine's day was in 1998. I finally had a boyfriend and it was the most romantic day of the year, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I had to work that day and Zach and I were going to dinner that night. I put quite a bit of thought in to the perfect outfit for my perfect day. My final choice was most glorious: a red ribbed turtleneck sweater, black corduroy overalls and black doc martens - even in high school I knew how to be sexy for my man. The day started off perfect, Zach sent me a dozen red roses at work - all the older married ladies were jealous of my young budget free love. Disaster struck at lunch time. I was so lost in love that I knocked my bowl of cream of broccoli soup all over my lap. Have you ever tried to remove creamy soup from the ridges of corduroy? Impossible. I had to race home and settle on my denim overalls - there was nothing sexy about the denim overalls. I met Zach that night for dinner, but my outfit was ruined and the day never was the same.
The final memorable Valentine's day was in 2002. I was living with Tiffy and Lou and we were the Fight Girls. Oh how I loved being a Fight Girl. We got home late from whatever mayhem we were involved in to find three vases of flowers on our porch. They said to Fight Girl #1, Fight Girl #2 and Fight Girl #3 and each card said Happy Ballumtimes. The three of us then of course had to spend quite a bit of time determining which of us was which fight girl. The flowers were unexpected and there was no romantic attachments and they were perfect.
If you need Valentine's Day to remind you to be romantic you are lost. If you need Valentine's Day to tell someone that you love them then you aren't really in love. If you propose to your significant other on Valentine's don't tell me, it will probably make me gag.
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