Things my Ethel says

I have a most fabulous neighbor. For the purpose of my blog I will call her "Ethel". Ethel is in her eighties. The first time I met her she did not care for me - I'm sure the fact I was wearing a bandanna and carrying a boom box (don't judge we have all owned one) didn't help. Once Ethel got to know me she began to adore me - like everyone should! Ethel is like Gladys Kravitz and the Golden Girls combined in one person. Ethel says some pretty amazing things to me and I feel like they have to be shared.

About a year ago Ethel had surgery on her "girl parts" - this is what she referred to them as, I couldn't make that kind of shiz up. She was having some complications and had to go to the doctor for a follow up. (Important side note: Ethel has been single for over 25 years).

Ethel: Doctor, I don't understand why I am bleeding.

Dr: Well Mrs. X it is a very delicate area and it was very important to me that I preserve the nerve endings.

Ethel: What the HELL for?!? I am eighty years old, stitch it shut.

When she told me this I somehow managed to not burst out in to hysterical laughter, but was able to ask her one question, "Ethel, what if you wanted to have a gentleman caller over? Having your who-ha (yep, that's what I called it) stitched shut wouldn't be helpful." Ethel replied, "Oh Randi, I'm not going to have a gentleman caller over, I don't know what I would do with a man." I think if I heard Ethel and a gentleman caller it would be like an early Christmas present, assuming that their boot knocking didn't happen on Christmas morning.

Today I had another glorious conversation with Ethel.

Ethel: Our neighbor told me she is gay.

Me: Yep, I knew that.

Ethel: She is the first gay person I have ever met.

Me: Seriously?!?

Ethel: Yep, I didn't grow up with gay people.

Me: Seriously?!?

Ethel: Are you okay with it?

Me: Yep. Some of my best friends are gay.

Ethel: I'm an old lady and people being gay is new to me, but if you are okay with it, then I think I will be too. I think gay men would be fun to hang around with, they always seem to be very stylish.

Me: Yes, they are very fun to hang out with.

Ethel: You are okay with it.

Me: Yes, I am very okay with it.

Me: Ethel, do you know what the Pride festival is?

Ethel: Yes.

Me: Ethel, would you like to go with me to Pride this summer?

Ethel: You would take me? I think that I would like to go.

Just as Ethel was unsure of me at our first meeting once she got to know me she came to love me. I think that she is one awesome eighty year old and I think that once she gets to know our neighbor and other people in the gay community she will adore them as well.