My co-worker Kelly and I were talking about Halloween. When she was a kid, one of the neighbors would give out single hotdogs. The wet hotdog was flung in to the open pillowcase and kids in her neighborhood were filled with joy. The thought of a wet hotdog being flung in my pillowcase makes me want to gag, it makes DaveCall giggle like a little girl.
There has been much controversy at Smalls Manor concerning the handing out of candy on Halloween. A little information might be needed at this point. DaveCall does not care for tiny humans. They don't interest him. So you can imagine my surprise when he became their biggest advocate for receiving candy from the Smalls. We bought a house over the summer and now live in "a nice neighborhood" (DaveCall's exact phrase), so we need to give out candy.
A few weeks ago DaveCall and I had the following conversation.
DTC: We need to buy some candy to give out on Halloween.
Me: No we don't. We just won't turn on our porch light and they will pass us by. It is the universal sign for we aren't giving out candy.
DTC: I don't want to be those people. We need to hand out candy.
Me: I have school until six, are you going to leave your nerd law gig early to come home and hand out the candy?
DTC: No.
Me: Do you expect me to miss school to give kids I don't know candy?
DTC: No. We should just leave a bowl of candy on the porch.
Me: So you want to give one kid candy?
DTC: How about we put a bowl of candy on the porch with a note that says "If you are the first kid here Congratulations, if not sorry, there was candy."
Me: How about we put the bowl out, with the note, but we don't ever put candy in the bowl?
DaveCall then glared at me. This conversation repeated itself several more times up until today when we went grocery shopping.
Today, at Smith's.
DTC: I still think we need to buy candy.
Me: Seriously, who is going to hand it out?
DTC: I think we should buy this bag of candy.
Me: I am NOT buying a TWELVE DOLLAR BAG OF CANDY to give to kids I don't even know. I have a better idea. How about I put a note in their bag telling them how much I pay in taxes towards their public education. Seeing as how we don't have kids we pay more for them to go to school than their parents. It could be like a cute little public service.
DTC-glaring at me: I don't understand why you just won't give out candy.
Me:I don't understand why you are so concerned that we give out candy. If I have to hand something out I am buying a package of wet hotdogs to fling in to their bag.
DTC: I really think we need to give out candy.
Me: Fine, how about two bags of kit kats.
DTC: We aren't going to offer variety?
Me:Seriously, now you are concerned about variety?!? Who is going to give out this candy?
DTC: I think we can put out the bowl.
Me: Do you have an arrangement with one chubby kid in the neighborhood.
DTC: Why won't you buy the big bag of candy?
Me: I agreed to buy candy, I am buying the inexpensive stuff.
DTC: Never mind. I will buy candy tomorrow.
Me: You are really going to come home early, from a job that requires you bill so many hours per month, in order to give candy to kids we don't know?
DTC: Fine, let's just buy the candy.
Me: Put the $12 bag of candy down.
DTC: You really aren't any fun.
Me: Pick cheap candy, or I am walking down the hotdog aisle.
Later that same night.
Me: Should we dress up like bananas to hand out the candy?
DTC: I'm not dressing up.
Me: Seriously, I don't understand your need to give out candy, but then you poo-poo the rest of the Halloween traditions.
DTC: I still like the bowl idea.
Me: I still like the wet hotdog idea.
