I was never picked first, second or third for sports teams. As an adult I can avoid these sorts of settings, but I am quite certain that even now I would be picked last. I lack coordination; I fall up the stairs, I trip over nothing, I am exquisite at walking in to cocktail tables. I have never been able to do a proper cartwheel (Side note: I have, in my 30',s done a cartwheel in Caesar's Palace ). My Aunt Shelley and Uncles Greg and Bruce were awesome at just about everything. When I was just a wee ginger they would play games of all sorts for hours in Oma and Opa's backyard with me. I got frustrated because I couldn't do the things (such as cartwheels) that they could....and so The Quasimodo Olympics were born. You took gold in the Quasimodo Olympics by being the most spastic at something. I took gold time and time again.
Today as I walked across a windy campus I was doing my best to keep my dress down where it should be. As I held my dress, it made me think of "sports" I would like to see added to the Quasimodo Olympics. They are of course all "sports" I would score gold in.
Cue the bump, bump, bump, bump of the Olympic fanfare.....
I. Carrying a cocktail table down stairs, backwards, in heels. Gold Medal : Randi Smith of Team O-O-G.
II. Taking off my shoes, removing my belt, presenting my liquids, being felt up, carrying a boarding pass, redressing, and removing luggage from a moving conveyer belt. Gold Medal: Randi Smith of Team O-O-G.
III. Being a smart ass. Gold Medal: Randi Smith of Team O-O-G.
IV. Fake smoking an air cigarette. Gold Medal: Randi Smith of Team O-O-G.
V. Skipping. Gold Medal: Randi Smith of Team O-O-G.
You see, everyone has special hidden talents. Not all of them get you world recognition, but they are the simple and small things that make you you. If you read this, please let me know what event in the Quasimodo Olympics you take home the Gold Medal.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Mrs. Call
DaveCall and I are extremely committed to one another. I don't need anyone else's approval. I don't need you to agree with it, I do however expect you to respect it. I will respect the fact that you are also free to make your own choices. I have always been a firm believer that your rights end where my nose begins and vice versa.
Spoiler Alert: DAVECALL AND I AREN'T MARRIED. WE LIVE IN SIN. There I said it. It is out in the open.
For the most part DaveCall and I jointly own our shiz. Sure the throw pillows are solely mine, but to be fair the playstation is all his. I had to register the car we own jointly and couldn't do so until our address was updated with the DMV. We own one car jointly and the other is all DaveCall's. I called to update the records of the car we own. After the employee at the DMV updated our record she said, "Mrs. Call, I also took the liberty of updating the records for your other car." I replied, "Thank you, Mr. Call will be very pleased." I'm not sure that was "legal" but hey, Mr. Call will be pleased.
Because we aren't "married" in the event that one of us kicks the can, we have to make sure that the other is set up as the beneficiary of certain things. We just changed some of those beneficiary forms and had to list one another as "Special Friend." The choices were spouse, child or "special friend." From now on I will introduce DaveCall as my special friend....I also got a kick out of meeting a person that DaveCall submitted one of these forms to. She met me and said, "Oh....you're a girl." She had assumed that Randi=Randy=Special Friend=DaveCall is gay.
I also enjoy that people seem to autocorrect boyfriend to husband. Me, "This is DaveCall, he is my boyfriend." Other Person, "How long have you been married." Uh, I can still hear the words BOYFRIEND in my head...so I will have to answer, "Zero years, minutes, hours or any other measure of time." They usually follow this up with, "So when will you get married." Just now I decided I will answer their question with a question, "When are you going to purchase a kangaroo farm?"
The purpose of this post is that each of us is free to be who we want to be. Love yourself for who you are. Don't try to conform to what people want or expect. Be happy with you. I'm happy with me, Randi Smith. For the record if we do get married I am staying Randi Smith (sorry Tamie Graves, I know how mad this makes you). So, Mrs. Call will always be someone else.
Spoiler Alert: DAVECALL AND I AREN'T MARRIED. WE LIVE IN SIN. There I said it. It is out in the open.
For the most part DaveCall and I jointly own our shiz. Sure the throw pillows are solely mine, but to be fair the playstation is all his. I had to register the car we own jointly and couldn't do so until our address was updated with the DMV. We own one car jointly and the other is all DaveCall's. I called to update the records of the car we own. After the employee at the DMV updated our record she said, "Mrs. Call, I also took the liberty of updating the records for your other car." I replied, "Thank you, Mr. Call will be very pleased." I'm not sure that was "legal" but hey, Mr. Call will be pleased.
Because we aren't "married" in the event that one of us kicks the can, we have to make sure that the other is set up as the beneficiary of certain things. We just changed some of those beneficiary forms and had to list one another as "Special Friend." The choices were spouse, child or "special friend." From now on I will introduce DaveCall as my special friend....I also got a kick out of meeting a person that DaveCall submitted one of these forms to. She met me and said, "Oh....you're a girl." She had assumed that Randi=Randy=Special Friend=DaveCall is gay.
I also enjoy that people seem to autocorrect boyfriend to husband. Me, "This is DaveCall, he is my boyfriend." Other Person, "How long have you been married." Uh, I can still hear the words BOYFRIEND in my head...so I will have to answer, "Zero years, minutes, hours or any other measure of time." They usually follow this up with, "So when will you get married." Just now I decided I will answer their question with a question, "When are you going to purchase a kangaroo farm?"
The purpose of this post is that each of us is free to be who we want to be. Love yourself for who you are. Don't try to conform to what people want or expect. Be happy with you. I'm happy with me, Randi Smith. For the record if we do get married I am staying Randi Smith (sorry Tamie Graves, I know how mad this makes you). So, Mrs. Call will always be someone else.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
First World Problems
Right now I am taking a developmental economics class, and it makes me feel guilty when I complain about my “problems” but, my house flooded and I went to bed hungry, once, so I think I am qualified to gripe about my problems or comment on the problems of others.
Retail. I am a firm believer in good customer service. I’m not trying to brag, but I am one of the best at customer service. If I am out shopping and the customer service agent is doing the best they can I am happy to wait, will still give a tip, and be their biggest raving fan. On the flipside, if they are slacking, arrogant, or otherwise not truly qualified to be a human I will not stand for it.
I would personally like to congratulate Decades on having such a thriving, profitable business that they feel like crap is the best service they can offer. Well done. I went there today with the intention of purchasing a petticoat that I have been eyeballing for two weeks. First, I went in and I was carrying my laptop, in my laptop bag – I came from school. The guy followed me around like a creepy stalker, until after five minutes he points up at a sign that says I have to leave my bag with him. Fine. People steal. Then he was super irritated when I tried to take my laptop out of the bag. Guess what dude, I don’t trust you either. Then I asked him to take the petticoat, which I wanted to give him money for, off of the mannequin, he said that it was super expensive. It was $59. I told him I knew that (remember now I have been dreaming of this petticoat for two weeks now, I was fully aware of how much it cost). Uh, don’t project your budget on me. I replied, “Yep, I know how much it is, I would like to try it on, seeing as how you have a FINAL SALE policy, before I give you my money. Nope, he wouldn’t take it down. He told me I could try one of the similar ones on. I don’t want the similar one; I want the one I want to buy. The one I want to give you money for is the one I want to try on. Second, they are similar, but not the same. The petticoats I was given the choice to select from had different ruffles, different thickness, and not the color and actual one I want to buy. Therefore, I left, without buying anything. You see, I can get petticoats other places, I vote with my dollar. So peace out Decades. You lost my $59 and my future purchases. (Cue scene from Pretty Woman in your mind).
Second First World Problem of the day, it wasn’t my problem, I just had to listen to it. I was studying for my midterm, with my new bestie, when I overhead some undergrad boys griping about frat houses. You see their problem was most grievous. They want to have a party, but they don’t want to trash their frat house. They want to rent a satellite house for frat parties. This is my first time being an undergrad at a university, but isn’t that what frat houses are for? They figured if they rented a house that people would come and BYOB. I said their better bet was to charge a cover or cup charge. They said that they didn’t want to run a club. I then suggested that they make sure that the house has floors that are easy to clean up. They were like, “we need to look for a house with concrete floors and big open spaces.” Me, “They are called clubs.” You see I don’t give a shit about being popular with these frat boys. I am popular with the nerds. And the nerds have problems like, should we purchase a third property now or later, not for their parties, but for their empires. I have always preferred nerds. They have better scholarship programs.
Retail. I am a firm believer in good customer service. I’m not trying to brag, but I am one of the best at customer service. If I am out shopping and the customer service agent is doing the best they can I am happy to wait, will still give a tip, and be their biggest raving fan. On the flipside, if they are slacking, arrogant, or otherwise not truly qualified to be a human I will not stand for it.
I would personally like to congratulate Decades on having such a thriving, profitable business that they feel like crap is the best service they can offer. Well done. I went there today with the intention of purchasing a petticoat that I have been eyeballing for two weeks. First, I went in and I was carrying my laptop, in my laptop bag – I came from school. The guy followed me around like a creepy stalker, until after five minutes he points up at a sign that says I have to leave my bag with him. Fine. People steal. Then he was super irritated when I tried to take my laptop out of the bag. Guess what dude, I don’t trust you either. Then I asked him to take the petticoat, which I wanted to give him money for, off of the mannequin, he said that it was super expensive. It was $59. I told him I knew that (remember now I have been dreaming of this petticoat for two weeks now, I was fully aware of how much it cost). Uh, don’t project your budget on me. I replied, “Yep, I know how much it is, I would like to try it on, seeing as how you have a FINAL SALE policy, before I give you my money. Nope, he wouldn’t take it down. He told me I could try one of the similar ones on. I don’t want the similar one; I want the one I want to buy. The one I want to give you money for is the one I want to try on. Second, they are similar, but not the same. The petticoats I was given the choice to select from had different ruffles, different thickness, and not the color and actual one I want to buy. Therefore, I left, without buying anything. You see, I can get petticoats other places, I vote with my dollar. So peace out Decades. You lost my $59 and my future purchases. (Cue scene from Pretty Woman in your mind).
Second First World Problem of the day, it wasn’t my problem, I just had to listen to it. I was studying for my midterm, with my new bestie, when I overhead some undergrad boys griping about frat houses. You see their problem was most grievous. They want to have a party, but they don’t want to trash their frat house. They want to rent a satellite house for frat parties. This is my first time being an undergrad at a university, but isn’t that what frat houses are for? They figured if they rented a house that people would come and BYOB. I said their better bet was to charge a cover or cup charge. They said that they didn’t want to run a club. I then suggested that they make sure that the house has floors that are easy to clean up. They were like, “we need to look for a house with concrete floors and big open spaces.” Me, “They are called clubs.” You see I don’t give a shit about being popular with these frat boys. I am popular with the nerds. And the nerds have problems like, should we purchase a third property now or later, not for their parties, but for their empires. I have always preferred nerds. They have better scholarship programs.
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