Stats for my baseball card, because I don't know if they have football cards

I am sitting on the sofa watching football. Watching might be too strong a word. The TV is on and football is playing, but I am not focused on it, I am also on the Internet, day dreaming and irritated by the bug bite on my tuchas. What does keep catching my attention from the TV is that the commentators are so quick with good and bad facts about the players. It makes me wonder if someone was a commentator on my life what kinds of things they would say.

"Randi trips for the fifth time today."

"Randi forgot to put on deodorant again and now we are all paying the price."

"Randi is four times more likely to make herself laugh than the average human."

"Randi has watched Twilight 87 times since she bought it."

"Randi has more shoes than any other resident of Chateau Foret."

"Randi was offered $50 by DaveCall's Grandmother, if she married DaveCall. Randi turns it down as she has her own $50." (that one made me laugh out loud as I typed it.).

"Randi is still unable to spell after 30 years of practice - she really is quite lucky to live in a world where spell check exists."