Are you single? Damn!

It all started out like any other Tuesday night. DaveCall was in Park City and I thought, "Oh yeah, I'm going to see if the old girl has still got it." I put on my sexiest outfit, over sized turtleneck, hooded sweatshirt, non-matching pajama bottoms, and my paisley Bobs. Yes I have Bobs and not Toms, the Bobs fit better and they still give a pair to those in need. I was rocking my ultra sex appeal outfit and headed out to the hottest spot in the 'burbs....Rancheritos. I was really putting out the vibe as I crossed the stupid $%^&*#@ creek. You've seen girls rocking that come hither walk that is all hips and ass, yeah I wasn't doing that, I think I was mostly trying to keep the mud off my Bobs, but it was sexy nonetheless. There were two super hot pieces of man meat also crossing the bridge, one with a t-shirt he must have bought in the children's department the other with a man braid that reached his pants. They were sexy, the kind of sexy that George Clooney is made of. I totally let them know that I was vibing them by walking on the other side of the bridge, not making eye contact and pretending to check FB on my phone. Just when I thought that this night was going to go somewhere they continued on to the liquor store and I continued to see what other hotties I could find at Rancheritos. I thought that I would never come across such amazing men again and seeing how DaveCall and I always teetering on the edge of calling it quits, I knew that I needed to have some men waiting in the wings. The dating scene was on fire at Racheriots, but if I were to date the man fetuses there I would end up in jail. So I decided to take my hot, short, fat ass back home. I smelled of refried beans, salsa and bad choices - if I ever I was to meet DaveCall's replacement tonight was that night. As I crossed back over the bridge, lady luck smiled down on me. The men that I couldn't wait to introduce to my parents and a t-shirt from a band that hadn't ever feathered their hair, was also walking back over the bridge. They scanned my super hot outfit that left everything to the imagination and they said the most beautiful pick up line I have ever heard, "Are you single?" Me, "NO" as I awkwardly looked away and fumbled for my keys in case I needed to use them as a weapon. His sultry reply, "Damn." Now a younger Randi would assume that my sex kitten outfit, awkwardly falling out bun and make-up free face was what had drawn them in, but old cynical Randi knew that they didn't care anything about who I am, only if I was available to drink their cheap beer and check out their one eyed snake. Thirty something Randi was hit on, and she appreciates the gesture, but grateful to not be single. Looks like my relationship with DaveCall lives to see another day.